This is me keeping personal records of all the physical and emotional symptoms of my illness. This is something I need because I usually forget these things by the time I go to see my doctor. Also I would like a place to talk about things related to this while keeping it separate from my main blog.

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Jun 14, 2012
@ 2:40 am
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Well this is a shitty hole I’ve dug for myself

(Sorry if this gets long, I can’t put a Read More break when I’m on my phone.)

Completely out of medication and I may not get any more until Friday.

Mom doesn’t know I’m completely out. If she does find out she might kill me. I can already feel the symptoms of being off my medication. It’s worse now than it used to be. I used to not feel any different for a few days if I’m off my medicine. It’s only been a day and I feel terrible. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried.

Sometimes I’m afraid that something’s going to happen to me. Even when I take my medication on a regular basis, I don’t feel well.

I’m not necessarily scared of death more than I’m scared of what I’d leave unfinished. But still, I don’t want to die. Ah, this post turned very dark very fast. I don’t think I’m dying. I don’t feel like I am. But I am becoming increasingly aware of the fact that I’m sick and I’m always going to be.

I wish I cared more about my health than I did sleep. I’m impulsively selfish, huh?